Saturday, 25 July 2009

Maleficent Fiends of Doom and Terror, Part 1 - Professor Marcus in THE LADYKILLERS (1955)

This man is a master brain.

NAME : Professor Marcus (possible alias).

AGE : Mid 50s.

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS : Poor posture.. Big teeth. Dark overcoat. Grey scarf. Whispery silver hair.

PLANS FOR WORLD DOMINATION : Rent a room in a house close to King's Cross Station. Pose as a member of an amateur string quartet. Rob an armoured van of its contents (60, 000 pounds), and hide said contents in a luggage trunk. Use little old lady (Mrs Wilberforce - land lady) as a 'mule' to pick up the loot from the station. Retrieve swag with or without possible casualties (associates or otherwise).

KNOWN ASSOCIATES AND/OR LACKEYS : Mr Louis Harvey (a vicious hood from the continent with experience in certain "matters"). Major Courtney (a gentleman con artist and coward). Mr "One Round" Lawson (the muscle, a brutish towering simpleton). Mr Harry Robinson (cockney spiv also with cowardly tendencies).

PRONE TO SAY : " You musn't make me angry. "

AMBITIONS AND DESIRES : Armed robbery. Thinking up complicated schemes of criminal genius. Killing little old ladies.

TEMPORARY SETBACKS, TRIVIALITIES AND IRRITANTS : Aversion to birds particularly parrots. Feigning interest in the stories of little old ladies. Endless cups of tea offered by little old ladies. Having to listen to Boccherini's minuet (3rd movement) from String Quartet in E, Op. 13 No. 5. Playing the piano and having a " sing song " with large groups of little old ladies. Having to risk apprehension, humiliation and disgrace. The police. Being told he is crazy. Little old ladies.

FIEND SCALE : 8 out of 10.

ANYTHING ELSE : Don't mention the booby hatch.

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