Sunday, 24 May 2009

Don't Fuck With, Part 1 : " The Mushroom People " aka MATANGO (1963)

NAME : Matango.

OTHER ALIASES : The Mushroom People.

SIZE : Varies greatly (a few centimetres to a few metres).

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS : As above. Of various shapes and sizes depending upon size of animal host. Fully grown will take on the appearance of the traditional mushroom including stem and cap (the bit on the top). However, will almost certainly have the limbs of the host and be able to walk. Stubby growths on head/cap of a green and yellow colour.

MODUS OPERANDI : Takes over the surrounding environment by transforming most of the animal lifeforms into other mushrooms. This leads to hunger and desperation as the remaining survivors are forced to live off the mushrooms thus becoming one themselves.

STRENGTHS AND ABILITIES : Able to withstand bullets and violence (although it is not known how it would react upon being fried). Amputation no hindrance. Practically immortal. Has psychoactive abilities so can cause hallucinations. Attaches itself to the host upon ingestion and causes, through the damaging of nerve tissues, metamorphosis into a mushroom. The host is also powerless to resist due to its highly addictive properties.

LIKES : Laughing at humans. Being eaten by humans. Waddling around jungles.

DISLIKES : Fire (probably). Not being eaten. Not being seasoned either. Stupid humans who refuse to give into their base needs and eat them.

ORIGINS : A mutation cultivated in a mad scientist's lab. Probable links to radiation, atomic weapons and absurd nuclear tests fairly close to populated areas. Links also to William Hope Hodgson (from the story "Voice in the Night"), Shinichi Hoshi and Masami Fukushima (screenwriters), and Ishiro Honda (genius Japanese science fiction and fantasy film director).

LOCATION : A deserted island somewhere off the coast of Japan. A mad scientist's lab. Next to your steak and chips or baked with taleggio cheese and fresh herbs.

ABLE TO COMPREHEND REASON, A PLEA OR A NICE CUP OF TEA? : You're fucking kidding me, right? They're mushrooms.

FUCK WITH OR DON'T FUCK WITH? : Can easily be fought off and evaded, but don't eat them. Hmm... Mushrooms...

Thursday, 21 May 2009

The Evil That Men With Facial Hair Do, Part 3 : Prospero in THE MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH (1964)

Name : Prospero.

Height : 6 ft (6.5 in very silly hat).

Notable Others : Juliana (Prospero's wife and future bride of Satan), Francesca (a red headed wench), Alfredo (sadistic lecher).

Status : Prince, Tyrant, Castle owner.

Distinguishing Features : Handsome. Middle ages. Foppish. Fine clothes made of velvet and silk. Silly hats (very). Tights (very).

Prone to Say : " I'm not corrupting. I'm instructing. "

Likes : Beating peasants. Running over peasants. Masques (or other social gatherings to show off wealth and power). Making peasants beg for mercy/their lives/food. Burning a peasants village to the ground. Red headed wenches. Sword fights to the death involving peasants. Rewarding homicidal dwarves with gold for fine jests. The Lord of Flies - The Devil. Humiliation (others). Death (others). Watching dwarves dance. Silly hats.

Dislikes : The colour red (unless on a lady/wench's hair). The Red Death. Love. Anything nice.

Interests : Falconry. Wenching. Satanism. Interior decoration.

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