Saturday, 25 April 2009

The Evil That Men With Facial Hair Do, Part 2 : Edward Lionheart in THEATRE OF BLOOD (1973)

Name : Edward Kendal Sheridan Lionheart.

Born : 1915.

Died : 1970.

Cause of Death : Suicide (plunged into the Thames, although no body was found).

Height : 6 foot (7 foot in afro wig).

Notable Others ; Edwina (his daughter).

Occupation : Actor - The greatest Shakespearean actor of his generation.

Awards : Critics Circle Award in 1970 (unofficially, but his by right).

Usual Appearance : Handsome. Distinguished middle aged gentleman. Moustache. Occasionally wears disguises (fake beards, afro wigs).

Prone to Say : " I am well, it is you are dead, " or " Dishy, dishy. "

Other Persona's : A police officer. A surgeon. A Scottish masseur. A hairdresser called Butch. A French celebrity chef with his own TV show (' This is Your Dish ').

Known Repertoire : Julius Caesar, Troilus & Cressida, Cymbeline, The Merchant of Venice, Richard III, Romeo & Juliet, Hamlet, Othello, Henry VI Part 1, Titus Andronicus, and King Lear.

Likes : Acting. The plays of William Shakespeare. Jumping off tall buildings. Stabbing critics. Dragging dead critics through the streets by horse. Beheading critics. Drowning critics in wine. Cutting out the hearts of critics. Driving critics to murder their wives. Electrocuting critics. Cooking the pets of critics. Force feeding critics their pets. Fencing. Running rings around the local constabulary. Awards. His daughter Edwina.

Dislikes : Critics. Being told his performances lack originality by critics. Critics.

Interests : Cold and bloody vengeance, in the style of the plays of the immortal bard, upon those who deliberately humiliated him, those who denied him the award which was his by right, those whose overweening malice gave the award to a twitching, mumbling boy and denied his GENIUS.

Recording of Previous Performances : Here.

Anything Else : Knows how to make an exit.

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Cute, but Evil Part 2: Rhoda Penmark aka THE BAD SEED (1956)

This is one bad seed.


Name : Rhoda Penmark.

Occupation : At school.

Age : Eight.

Height : 3 foot-ish.

Appearance : Blonde, blue eyed psychopath with various distinctive homicidal tendencies (frowning a lot, smiling for no reason, hair in bunches).

Prone to Say : " I don't feel anything at all, " or " Give... Me... Back... My... SHOOOOOOESSS!! "

Interests : Playing the same tune on the piano over and over again. Collecting pretty, shiny trophies from her victims. Keeping everything nice and tidy and orderly. Skipping. Tap-dancing. Playing with matches. Oh, and killing people.

Likes : Father. Presents from father. Mother (the prettiest, sweetest mother in the world). Aunt Monica the landlady. Giving out baskets of kisses and receiving baskets of hugs (whatever the hell that is). Popsicles. Setting fire to Lee Roy (the weird, creepy gardener). Pushing old ladies down the stairs.

Dislikes : Dirt. Mess. Blue jeans or any scruffy clothes. Lee Roy. Being called ' Miss Goody Goody ' or ' Miss Uppity '. Claude Dagle (her 8 year old class mate). Being asked whether she knew anything about why Claude Dagle drowned. The word ' no '. Almost being overdosed with sleeping pills. Lightning.

Location : Can be found here.

Anything Else : Do not feed after dark or expose to bright light.

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