Sunday, 28 June 2009

Cute, but Evil Part 5 : Girly in MUMSY, NANNY, SONNY AND GIRLY (1969)

This is Girly.

For her and her family the number one rule is " Play the Game. "

I strongly recommend that you do this.

Name : Girly.

Age : Late teens.
Appearance : Blonde, blue eyed, coy minx. Occasionally wears burgundy school uniform, a silly hat and a very, very short skirt. Sexy as hell.

Notable Others : Mumsy (mother). Nanny (nanny). Sonny (brother). Various ' friends '.

Prone to Say : " A growing girl's got an appetite. "

Favourite Methods of Dispatch : A chopper to chop off your head.

Interests : Hopscotch. Knock down ginger. British Bulldog. Skipping. Torturing dolls. Swings. Slides. Humpty dumpty. Jelly. Murder. Sex.

Likes : Going to the zoo. Playing games with her brother Sonny. Sending people to the angels, in other words, killing them (with or without Sonny). Singing nursery rhymes. Being coy. Giving special presents to 'new friends'. Jelly and blancmange. Removing the heads from her dolls or smashing them with snooker balls. Finding interesting uses for various blunt instruments. Monday night, Wednesday night and Friday night with ' Friend in 2 '.

Dislikes : Being teased. People who tell tales. Being told she's not very nice. People who wont follow the rules. Friends who wont play games. Threats to ' Friend in 2 '.

Location : A secluded mansion close to Regent's Park.

Anything Else : Stick to the rules. Don't stick your neck out. And always remember that 5 o'clock is tea cake time.

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

Cute, but Evil Part 4: Marcus in NIGHT HAIR CHILD (1972)

This is Marcus.

He's an outstanding pupil.

I swear.

Name : Marcus.

Age : 12 years.

Appearance : Scruffy blonde 70s hair. Vacant expression. Flares. Pastel jumpers.

Notable Others : Paul (father), Elise (step mother), Sarah (deceased mother), Trotsky (German Shepherd).

Prone to Say : " Curiosity was her downfall. "

Interests : Phrenology. Being intellectually superior to everyone else. Playing the bongos. Chelsea FC. His dog Trotsky.

Likes : Drowning his dog Trotsky. Killing parents. Electrocution in baths. Tampering with car brakes. Staring into space. Swedish step mothers who take off their clothes. Being alone. Monosyllabic responses to normal questions. Drawing disturbing pictures. Voyeurism. Expulsion from school. Cold chicken and salad. Feeling step mother's breasts when she's talking on the phone. Stealing money. Swinging a cricket bat with menace. Driving those he's not allowed to kill insane.

Dislikes : Step mothers. Step mothers who wont perform "exchanges" for information. Chickenpox. School. Almost being beaten up by "courting couples" one is spying on. Being told he's a "freak" or a "dirty little schoolboy ".

Location : Spain.

Anything Else : Plans to murder his father for the insurance and run off with his step mother. Needs to look where he's going though.

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