Friday, 20 March 2009

The Evil That Men With Facial Hair Do Part 1: Matthew Hopkins - WITCHFINDER GENERAL (1968)

Name: Matthew Hopkins

Occupation: Witchfinder

Starsign: I know not, for I am not a witch...

Height: 6"2 (7"2 with hat)

Distinguishing Features: Handsome, bearded, well dressed gentleman. Not an unkempt lout.

Favourite Method of Torture: Stabbing the witch several times, often on their backside, in search of the MARK OF SATAN. This is known as ' witch-pricking '. If no pain is felt, and if no blood flows, then Satan is in residence. In my experience, Satan has never actually been found in this way but it matters not for Satan is the LORD OF LIES and is often hidden well upon the witch. It is also good sport.

Likes: Forcing WITCHES to confess through various extreme forms of interrogation including TORTURE. Dunking the witch in water to see if they sink or swim. If they float then they must be hanged, and if they drown then they are the innocent. It is a simple, fair test. Subjecting innocent wenches to private interrogations in their bed chambers. Execution.

Dislikes: Witches. Those who seek to protect witches. Witches.

Interests: Oh just the usual burning, hanging, dunking and torturing.

Location: Essex, but I have travelled all over the East of England in search of those who have been corrupted by SATAN. I may be found here.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts with Thumbnails