Chilling Scenes of Dreadful Villainy

Saturday, 8 August 2009

Don't Fuck With, Part 4 : John Ryder from THE HITCHER (1986)

NAME : John Ryder (possible alias).

AGE : 40ish.

HEIGHT : 6 "2 (may appear taller when filmed from the ground in a particularly impressive tracking shot).

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS : Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Grey shirt. Long dark grey overcoat. Smoker. Often wipes his face with a handkerchief. Prone to colds. Plasters on fingers.

MODUS OPERANDI : Poses as a hitch hiker then kills drivers with or without families. Steals car or continues to hitch and kill, hitch and kill. Uses a variety of methods including stabbing, shooting and incineration.

KNOWN ASSOCIATES : Jim Halsey (something strange going on between the two of them).

STRENGTHS AND ABILITIES : Able to murder a man by cutting off his legs, arms and finally his head with only a switchblade and without a single drop of blood touching his clothes. Able to appear at exactly the moment you don't want him to (usually involves killing people who may help you, for example, the police). Can walk into a police station and kill 3 police officers and then release someone from their cell without making a sound. Excellent marksman - can pick off a helicopter in a moving vehicle. Strong - can escape from handcuffs.

PRONE TO SAY : " Stop me. "

LIKES : Jim Halsey (kind of). Taking an unhealthy interest in young male drivers who wont say four little words - " I want to die ". Killing (of course) whether its lone male drivers, cops, families, waitresses - not picky, just wants to kill. Hitch-hiking along a lonely highway preferably in a rain storm. Killing cops. Playing peekaboo with a teddy bear to other drivers. Blowing up gas stations. Planting evidence. Shooting at helicopters. Being spat in the face.

DISLIKES : Jim Halsey (kind of). People who drives Volkswagen beetles. Leaving the door ajar in a car going at 50 mph. Appearing in pointless remakes as Major Sharpe or Gary Busey's son. People who refuse to shoot him between the eyes when he is about to bisect their girlfriend with a truck. Cops.

ABLE TO COMPREHEND REASON? : No just wants you to stop him. Permanently. He'll even lend you the bullets to do it.

BEGGING? : Only if you say four words...

A NICE CUP OF TEA? : Probably not. Might take a coffee or a severed finger with his burger and fries.

FUCK WITH OR DON'T FUCK WITH? : Have you read any of the above?

Sunday, 2 August 2009

Maleficent Fiends of Doom and Terror, Part 2 : Dr Gogol in MAD LOVE (1935)

This man wants to be Pygmalion. Now all he needs is a woman unlucky enough to play Galatea...

NAME : Gogol.

OCCUPATION : Surgeon. Correction - a really great surgeon.

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS : Bald. Short. Bug-eyed. Massive overcoat (black). Snappy dresser. Slight trace of a German accent. Occasionally prone to going out of an evening wearing dark swimming goggles, a big hat, a neck brace and large metal hands.

ORIGINS : An eminent surgeon operating in Paris. Gogol is an expert in transplants for amputees and is said to work mainly with deformed children and mutilated soldiers.

KNOWN ASSOCIATES AND/OR INFERIORS :Yvonne Orlac (the object of his unhealthy attention). Stephen Orlac (the cursed husband who also happens to be quite a big pianist). Dr Wong (assistant surgeon). Land lady (often drunk). A pet cockatoo. A waxwork of Yvonne in his bedroom (every home should have one).

PLANS FOR WORLD DOMINATION : To conquer science. To possess Yvonne or failing that to stalk, dupe and cajole her husband into situations of murder, circus tricks and depravity. Will achieve this through wearing dark glasses, a large hat and biiiiiiiig metal hands. Oh, and amputating Mr Orlac's hands following an horrendous train crash, and replacing them with those of a recently executed murderer. Simple.

PRONE TO SAY : " Each man kills the thing he loves!! "

AMBITIONS AND DESIRES : To watch every single performance of the beautiful and talented actress Yvonne Orlac from his lonely, shadowed box. To send her flowers, pay her compliments, take every opportunity to caress her fingers or fur coat, and then lock her away in a room somewhere so no one else can see her ever EVER EVER! Yvonne. Or failing that Yvonne's extremely life-like waxwork figure (purchased from Les Theatre des Horreurs). Well it's a talking point, eh? Also enjoys viewing public executions (preferably by guillotine).